Crushing…………… Crushed??!

On valentine’s day I shared a story about a guy that evoked inexplicable emotions in me even after not seeing him for 16 years.  I placed no expectations on our reconnection, after all it’s been sixteen years and we weren’t in an intimate relationship before, to tell the truth we were more like acquaintances.  Yet, I can’t deny the excitement (butterflies) I felt each time we spoke or saw each other. It has been seven months and I think we’ve reached a plateau or possibly a down slope.  The butterflies are less both in number and activity.  Earlier when we reconnected  I would look forward to seeing and speaking to him, that feeling has waned. Again, the feelings are inexplicable. Don’t get me wrong, he has no major faults or turn-offs that I know of, we have discussions about politics, religion, sex almost anything.  The chemistry (maybe imaginary) has simply disappeared.

 

Lately, I’ve been wandering if the reconnection was worth it.  Would I have been better enjoying the feelings I had for him over the years I hadn’t seen or spoken to him?  I really enjoyed those feelings although I’m not sure why they existed.  Now those feelings have been replaced by ……… reality.  I guess the feelings before our reconnection were created or developed by something in my sub-conscious, they have now been replaced by what is real.  I’m not sure what will happen next, but I assume we’ll eventually lose touch again, unless something spectacular happens.  I wonder if once the contact has been broken if the original feelings will return….. will I have back my butterflies.